As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist I have helped couples work through all kinds of conflict. It’s helpful to know that conflict is a normal part of a committed relationship. In Imago we like to say “conflict is actually growth waiting to happen.” So, it’s not a matter of avoiding conflict, but learning how to resolve it in healthier ways.

 

Here are five types of fights that are perfectly normal in all kinds of marriages:

 

1) Money. It’s very common to disagree about money especially during the early years of marriage as you’re transitioning from “his and her” income” to “our” income. When you’re used to being in charge of where and how your money is spent, it can sometimes be difficult to give up some of that control. 

 

2) In-laws It’s essential to establish your own unique traditions and customs as a couple and part of that process is setting up healthy boundaries with parent. Some parents of adult children can become intrusive at times. Rather than letting this divide you, it’s important to come together and demonstrate your solidarity to your extended family.

 

3) Sex Couples often have high expectations in this department which can lead to disappointment and arguments. It’s normal for your sex drive to fluctuate during your marriage due to stress, parenthood, and hormone changes. 

 

4) Religion. This can be especially difficult when spouses are either from different religions or they have the same faith, but one is more devout that the other. 

 

5) Children Childrearing can cause a lot of friction because each partner has unique personality traits that influence the way they discipline their children. One spouse may be very laid back, while the other is more structured. Also each spouse brings to the marriage different discipline styles that were taught to them in childhood. 

 

These are issues that frequently cause conflict, but they don’t have to cause damage when you learn the skills to resolve them in healthy ways.

 

Keep in mind the importance of the 3 C’s: - Compromise, Communication, and Commitment

Your conflicts can be opportunities for new growth and healing.