Making your marriage a top priority can feel like a “frightening” proposition. It may seem daunting and almost impossible amidst your hectic schedules. 

But no worries. During this Halloween season, save the “scaries” for the haunted house and get your own house in order with these 6 simple steps.

1) Talk To Each Other About  What You Need To Feel Connected and Loved

One of the ways you can make your marriage a top priority is to ask your spouse,

“How can I make you feel like you’re number one in my life?” 

Then really listen to the response. The very act of listening deeply will begin to create that sense of connection. 

2) Reinvigorate the Romance

Spending quality time together is essential to any great relationship. It’s like watering your favorite plant. It keeps it alive. But this isn’t always easy in this crazy-busy world. 

A great way to make sure this happens is to punctuate your relationship with rituals of connection. This could mean a regular Friday evening date night, a nightly walk around the neighborhood, or just cuddling on the couch watching your favorite series on Netflix. 

3) Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff 

There will always be moments when your spouse really annoys you, but you’ll be fighting an awful lot if you focus on every irritation.

I believe that what you focus on expands. It makes sense to focus more on what you love and appreciate about your spouse so that more of what you love shows up. Don’t let all this good stuff get buried under the little annoyances.

4) But… Don’t Bury the Big Stuff

A sure-fire way to cause distance in your marriage is to constantly bury significant hurts and disappointments. They become like burning embers just under the surface of your relationship making healthy connection next to impossible. 

If you are feeling hurt or angry about something your spouse said or did, instead of lashing out or burying it, why don’t you schedule an Imago Dialogue? This will ensure that your feelings will be heard and validated and that you will express your feelings in a way that helps you get heard.

5) Take Good Care of Yourself

Remember the old saying, “You can’t give what you don’t have.” Your marriage is only as healthy as you are.

So how can you begin to take better care of yourself?  

Maybe it’s spending some time at the gym or hanging out with special friends once in a while.  It could be taking some alone time to meditate, read a book, or listen to your favorite music. 

Self-care is not selfish. It’s essential to the well being of your marriage. Your happiness is your right and your responsibility. 

6) Own Your Own Stuff

Marriage is a little like a dance and just like you need to take responsibility for your own happiness you also have to take responsibility for your steps in this dance. My favorite quote by Gandhi is: ’Be the change you wish to see in the world.” It’s so much more empowering to focus on what you can do to do make a positive change rather than nagging your partner to change. That’s just pointless and frustrating. 

As you each begin to take more responsibility for your own steps you’ll be creating a beautiful dance of love together.

Whew, now you can relax and have some scary fun this week.

Happy Halloween Everybody!

You might have noticed the mention of the Imago Dialogue.  It”s a fantastic tool I use with my clients to help them resolve conflict in a whole new way.

If you’re interested in learning more about it and would like to talk to me personally about how to have a more passionate and supportive marriage, just click here for more information about how to set up a Discovery Session with me.