Last week I was having a discussion with one of my clients about his marriage.

He’s in his mid 20’s, married less than a year, and was contemplating leaving his wife because he wasn’t “happy.” 

He loves his wife. “She’s a great person,” he said, “but I’m just not happy anymore.”

Hmm. Raising a quizzical eyebrow, I looked at him and mused “Why settle for happiness?”

Now don’t get me wrong, happiness is great. I’m all for a happy marriage. 

But there’s so much more to be had. And if you stop at happiness you miss all the wonderful gifts that may be wrapped in something a lot less glamorous.

Here’s the thing…

Love is more than a feeling, it’s an action.

Love is what you do even when you don't feel like it.

The feeling of love is the byproduct of the action. You don’t have to wait for the feeling to love. 

Love is listening when your partner is sharing something important, it’s doing a chore you know they hate to do. it’s letting them know how much you appreciate the little things they do.

You cultivate something so real and so solid when you strive to work each day at making your marriage great. Sometimes this means standing by your spouse even when times get tough.

It means supporting each other on the good days, but also the darker ones.

It’s about loving your spouse even when you struggle to like them. 

This is when that deeper bond develops as you learn the value of compromise, mutual respect and, yes, even sacrifice at times. 

Having a life partner that helps us grow into the best version of ourselves is the most precious gift of marriage because the best version of ourselves is learning how to love beyond ourselves. 

Is this better that happiness? You bet!